The Curious Case of MIT’s fake accounts

 

I was late to college. As usual.

 

From a distance, I could see that MIT Wifitree was pissed. For years, he had prevailed as one of MIT’s greatest attractions (although for peculiar reasons), and all of a sudden he found himself becoming insignificant. MIT Couples had begun shifting over to MIT LHC and MIT RLHC, choosing them as their favorite “hang out spot” over him.  Nervously, he was pacing up and down MIT Road. He had tried bringing in new soldiers into his array, like the recent one near E and I department, and yet he couldn’t capture lost ground.

 

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The MIT Canteen was in tatters. The turf war between MIT Fruitnik and MIT Sipup was finally coming to a close. Marketing campaigns, price tussles, stock freezing (literally!), the war had seen it all.  After years of relentless battle, the illustrious Fruitnik managed to reign supreme.  A peace treaty was being worked out between the two armies, and the canteen was being restored to operate normally. Finally, I can go back to 20 rupees lunches!

 

Wifitree was nibbling at his roots agitatedly. “Why can’t these goddamn couples come back to me?!!!” I heard him muttering to himself. Sigh. The poor guy still couldn’t figure out the reason.

 

Something whizzed past my ears. It was MIT Kosu. Ah, there he was, having the time of his life. Plotting against any bigshot in the college, was no easy task. And yet, he had brought down the biggest of them all –Wifitree. Contemplating the magnitude of his dubious achievement, he proceeded towards the MIT Hostels. How can one resist the temptation to give out Dengue to unaware humans!

 

MIT Arrearboy was sweating profusely. “If I don’t clear all my backlogs this semester, I can’t sit for the placements!”, he was mumbling to his roommate. You could only empathize with him! As usual, he had missed out on breakfast at the hostel mess. He ran towards the canteen to have a few mouthfuls of the detestable MIT Upma, before proceeding to the MIT Hangar for his arrear exam.

 

Image result for mit hangar

 

He had established a reputation for himself after being “washed out” (the Engineering lingo for failing in every single subject) in all of his previous semesters. But Arrearboy was not someone who would give up that easily! He had spent the entire of study holidays watching Ilayathalapathy Anna’s inspirational movies, including the likes of Suraa, Puli and Bairavaa. He craftily posted tens of memes on Facebook on how Anna motivated the common man to become great in life, and a few that derogatorily took a dig at his idol’s rival’s fans. 90% of his Whatsapp conversations were debates about Anna’s box office collections, and how he was going to become the Next Superstar. With Anna’s Mersal teaser recently creating a “Youtube World Record”, he was on cloud nine. The exams won’t be a match for his pumped-up self.

 

There was a new kid in the block. Wearing a brown coat with gazelle sunglasses, MIT Weatherman was studying the sky. “Uncle uncle, when will it rain?”, MIT Matterpoochi squeaked from behind, causing a lapse of concentration for Weatherman.

 

 

“Innum 24 mani nerangaluku vaanam megamootathudan kaanapadum. Sila idangilil mazhaiyum, sila idangalil idiyudan koodiya gana mazhayum peiyum” (“The sky will be cloudy for the next twenty four hours , with some areas experiencing heavy rain and thunderstorms”) , he said, in a characteristic husky voice, before going back to making observations. “Yaay!”, squealed Matterpoochi, as she wiggled away with her bestfriend, MIT Trainpoochi.

 

“Hey yo. What’s up with you? Atleast do you know why the couples no longer prefer me?” Wifitree creeped up out of nowhere and queried Weatherman, not knowing that Weatherman answered only those questions that pertained to the climate. After asking the same question 3-4 times without any response from Weatherman, he sighed and went away. “Why am I so insignificant all of a sudden?” he shouted at me, and walked away in disgust.

 

It was not just Kosu who rejoiced at Wifitree’s downfall. MIT Bund and MIT Stonebench were the runaway favorites for students in the 1990s and 2000s, before Wifitree came in and put them out of business. To see their arch enemy struggling gave them immense pleasure. I could even see the elderly buddies clinking wine glasses and laughing hysterically.

 

I was feeling paranoid already.

 

I had to get my record signed by 10AM. I huffed and puffed through three floors of my department and entered my faculty’s room.

 

“We have been waiting for you, boy!”, a weak man with green skin and a wannabe gym head-band asserted. It was MIT Hulk.

 

“What? Why?”

 

“Because we are going to take this college down. And we need a human for it. You are our trump card. Once we get hold of you, the legion of MIT Fake FB Accounts will make our move and reign control over everything.”

 

“But why me?”

 

“Ah, asking the right questions, my boy! Look into your ID card.”

 

I was perplexed. I took out the card from the bag.

 

I felt breathless.

 

Naan Dhan MIT, Department of Fake Accounts, Register Number 1949000001’ it read.

 

 

I peeped outside the room. They were there. Every single one of them. Wifitree, Weatherman, Fruitnik, Stonebench, Sip Up, Upma, Pencil, Kosu, Hangar, Hut, Ambulance, Trainpoochi, Matterpoochi, Road, Arrearboy, Kaka, Bund, Canteen, Couples, Kaatupoochi and this creativity-deprived guy named “MIT MIT”.

 

I was screaming when I woke up. Thank god it was a dream. At least for now…

 

 

Written by Akshay Venkat, a third year student of Computing Technology.

 

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