Love to Be Hated

 

Image result for train photography

 

It’s a partially true and a partially imaginary incident.

It was a cloudy day, that evening.

She and I were traveling in the same train, on different compartments. She was traveling to the railway station through a local train to reach her native place. Being a dayscholar, I was returning home.

I wanted to talk to her that day. Having no topic in common, I kept thinking about it.

I passed all the stations, just thinking. When the train approached the station she had to get down at, my mind went blank and I thought of giving up the plan. Suddenly, my mind recalled the incidents that happened between us:

She was always like a Cold Fire. I feel annoyed every time I speak with her, but still I realized that the ‘Annoyance’ I get from her, is what I love about her.

I started loving everything that came from her, including the ‘Hatred’ shown upon me,

Fallen in love with being ‘hated’, the taste of being ‘loved’ seemed to be lesser.

 

Image result for sad girl in train

 

The station she had to get down at was nearing, I thought of telling her all these thoughts that came across my mind between the two stations.

I knew that the idea was hurried, but I doubted whether she could understand the ‘complex’ feelings I had for her.

After all, what else would a girl expect from a guy who is trying to talk to her all the time?

An “I love you”, right?

The station came and the train stopped. Getting down from it, I searched for her, remembering her navy blue ‘American Tourister’ bag.

I found her, separated from me by a crowd.

Pushing everyone, I tried to move forward. But, being scolded by the people, I was stuck at my place. After getting a bit closer, I thought of calling out her name, so that she would wait for me.

But loving to get annoyed, I was afraid that she would wait for me; I was afraid that she would smile at me;

I was afraid that she would walk with me; I was afraid that I’d be loved. Hating to be loved, I started walking slowly behind her.

My mind thought about how much I loved her,

“Not ‘love’ you idiot, it’s ‘like'”, my subconscious mind corrected.

Yeah, how much do I like her?

I liked everything about her:

Starting from her hair style, up to her attitude.

I liked everything about her; I liked her as a whole. I also liked her navy blue “American Tourister” bag with which I identify her every time from behind. But I realized that, getting annoyed by her was what I liked about her the most.

At last I was exactly behind her. My heart beat was normal. My mind was stable.

After all these thoughts, I uttered some words to her from behind.

What was that?

“Excuse me, could you please move?” I said.

She turned. I didn’t look at her. I walked and moved forward that day. Happy for loving to be “hated”.

All I realized was the complex feeling that I had for her. Annoying her that day, I made a root for getting annoyed by her the next time, which is what I always wanted from her.

The heart was free. The mind, stable. Without any communication with her, a memory of her was created.

 

Image result for train station photography

 

Written by Shahul Hameed, Second year, Automobile Engineering.